Should You Write Your Own Wedding Vows?

In all the excitement of arranging a wedding and sorting bridesmaids’ dresses, table plans etc., it can be easy to forget that pivotal point which is what the whole day is about – the moment you exchange vows and become married. After all, without saying those words you can’t become Mr and Mrs, Mrs and Mrs or Mr and Mr! So vows are key to the entire ceremony.

In a church service, the official vows are legally binding and cannot be changed. (However, you could add a reading or poem if you want to say something special to your partner.)

If you’re tying the knot in a register office, most places allow you to add your own vows to the standard ones, provided they don’t contain anything religious. Typically, the registrar reviews these beforehand. (So, basically, you personalise your vows within the framework of what’s legally required.)

With a ceremony led by a celebrant, you can say whatever you like, at any point in proceedings you choose. Just remember that if you do have a celebrant, you’ll need to register the marriage separately for it to be legally binding.

And there are clear benefits to doing things this way – you make the occasion your own, and it’s a highly individual way of expressing your commitment to and love for each other as you incorporate elements which are unique to your relationship.

Equally, you may find your vows matter more to you if you’ve written them yourself so that you aren’t just repeating someone else’s words, and you introduce greater intimacy and romance to your big day.

But how do you go about creating your own vows? Where do you even start? Here are a few pointers to take into consideration:

1.)    Reflect your relationship

It may sound obvious, but your vows must be unique to you and your relationship. Write them so that they couldn’t possibly apply to anyone else. Be authentic – and strike the tone that feels right for you. Remember that they don’t have to sound ultra-fancy; simple, clear words often work best.

2.)    Allow enough time for the task in hand

Don’t pen your vows the night before your wedding. Give yourself enough time to rehearse them in advance without feeling stressed. You’ll probably want up to a month to do this. Jot down ideas as soon as you think of them. If you want to, you could read your vows to a trusted friend and ask for honest feedback.

You don’t have to learn your vows by heart, but they should flow. And the better you know your words, the less time you’ll spend looking at them rather than at your partner. That said, if you stumble while reading, that’s fine – this isn’t an exam or a professional performance. If you print out your vows, a larger font will help you follow the text.

3.)    Make promises

Humour has its place. But remember that you’ll need more than just anecdotes. Make promises as part of your serious commitment to each other in front of witnesses. You could promise to cherish and always be there for each other, for example, whatever life throws at you.

4.)    Short and sweet

You may not be able to include everything you want in your vows. Indeed, they should probably last no more than a minute or two maximum for each of you. One tip is to think of between five and key things you want to say to your partner and stick to them.

Say ‘I do’ at Howard Court

Howard Court is a rural, exclusive-use wedding venue in glorious North Yorkshire, set in more than 20 acres of countryside and fully licensed for civil ceremonies. Our farmhouse and lovingly restored barns could provide the ideal setting for your big day. And whatever words you exchange with your spouse-to-be, we vow to give you the wedding of your dreams – with an occasion that’s as unique as you are.

Get in touch to learn more, download a brochure or book a visit.